American Humor

Diskette Maintenance Manual 1: Never forget your diskette in a drive for data tend to leak causing corrosion to the drive''s mechanism. 2: Keep the diskette clean and polish it with wax on a weekly basis. Minor iron dust (that time from time accumulates on the surface of your diskette) can be removed with a strong magnet moved about the surface. Dust particles incrusted into the surface can be washed away with washing powder and soap. When wax polishing, remember; the diskette surface should be smooth. This will allow for the faster rotation (less air friction) and will accelerate access to your data. 3: Do not bend the diskette unless it does not fit into the drive. Delicately curve an oversized diskette prior to feeding it to a smaller drive. 4: Never feed the diskette into the drive upside down for it may through up the software and chunk the hard drive. 5: If the diskette is filled up, pull it out of the drive and shake well for a minute or so. It will decompress the data allowing for a little extra space. Beware; prior to shaking, you must seal all the holes in the diskette with scotch otherwise some data may drop on the floor and get lost. 6: You can speed up the access to your data by cutting holes in the plastic coat covering the diskette. This will allow the hard drive to reach data faster as it will flow freely from several points at once. 7: Provided it has been wax polished in advance, diskette may as well serve a handy coaster to a glass of beer or another soft drink. 8: Use neither scissors, nor glue to manually edit the text on the diskette. Remember; data is so tiny that with a naked eye you may accidentally insert a wrong piece into your document. Instead, arm yourself with a digital microscope and use blade and scotch. 9: In order to prevent viruses from fertilizing and spreading, from time to time spray the diskette with RAID (exterminates these shit for good). 10: When storing in a cupboard for a long time, do not forget to sprinkle the diskette with naphthalene (or throw a couple of mothballs next to it). You can enjoy your data for as long as you stick to these recommendations!